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Reader Rants
You know the story on opinions. Everyone has one. I invite your rants and
raves, your comments on any aspect of this site, and indeed, anything all, all
of which I will try most faithfully to reproduce here. You may even include
HTML tags in your rants and I will include them so as not to diminish one iota
the beauty and perfection of your well-crafted pearls of wisdom. I should point out that because I don't have any control over the host
web server, I have to accept your letters via an email process, so it may
be a while before you see your post, but I guarantee you, if you send it,
it will be posted here. 
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Posted
4/20/2001
, by
Emma
, entitled, "
Pahs is rill good
"
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I lahk pahs. Pahs is rill good. Ah mean, rilly rilly rilly good.
Emma
Kevin Responds:
Emma -- This is exactly the kind of cogent, intelligent
correspondence I was expecting from my readers. Thanks for
the feedback!
Kevin
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Posted
4/29/2001
, by
Bill Reardon
, entitled, "
An Enigma
"
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I confess to being puzzled by your web site. It professes to
be about building boats, and yet I see no links to other boat
building sites, no tips for boat builders, only a title that
implies that some building will take place, and a half-baked
journal in which precious little construction is actually
accomplished. I tend to think this whole thing is a sham.
Please explain this to me.
Thank you.
Bill
Kevin Responds:
Bill -- I know it's a little confusing, but hey, life
is full of little inconsistencies. Take for example the existence
of margarine. I mean, what does that name mean anyway? And who the
heck thought the Yugo was a good idea? Thanks for
the feedback!
Kevin
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Posted
4/30/2001
, by
K
, entitled, "
My Rant
"
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You ought to be a writer!
Kevin Responds:
K -- Ever since I picked up a pencil lo these
many years ago, I've been writing one thing or another,
whether it's a note to the judge explaining why I had
a Great Dane in a no-pets-allowed apartment complex that
sued me, or pleading for a mortgage. So I guess I am
a writer after all! Thanks for the feedback!
Kevin
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Posted
4/30/2001
, by
Speechless
, entitled, "
Your Pain
"
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Kevin,
It is good to see that someone else has taken it upon themselves to jump head first into the unknown. I thought I was the only one foolish er wel um well ambitious enough to attempt an endeavor of this magnitude. I feel your pain … well not really but you can pretend I do.
Kevin Responds:
Speechless -- I must first apologize for
taking so long to get your rant posted, but it
couldn't be help. If you think about it, whatever we try to accomplish in life, the only thing for certain is that problems are preordained, so why not try to mix in some good stuff
to perk up all that bland agony?
Life has a funny way of spinning curve balls at us
when we most expect a fastball. All we can do is swing
for the fences with each and every pitch and hope
an anvil doesn't fall from a passing airplane and land
on our heads.
Kevin
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Posted
5/9/2001
, by
Painwatcher
, entitled, "
I can't believe you're building a boat
"
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Sitting from a far, noting your site and personally knowing of one who has the desire to build their own boat has driven or sailed me to give ranting a try.
Hearing (not watching) the activity that occurs behind the door to a once organized room that was designed to house automobiles gives me the uneasy feeling men really have a thing for power tools and sawdust. The amazing observation was/is the chemical ability it takes to create the "just right" consistancy of epoxy and what house hold kitchen utensils can be destroyed in the process. But my vote for the scariest part of a boat building project is when the builder of the vessle is making no noise at all behind that closed door to the garage.
I wish you luck and a lot of humor....
PS: a few more hits on your site and I will be investing in Home Depot and the Medical Field(s).
Kevin Responds:
Painwatcher -- I feel you feeling his pain! The truth is that men are driven not by some strange compulsion to operate heavy equipment or the need to create sawdust, but by equal measures of the need to create and the need to destroy. We create as a result of the Darwinian drive to leave something behind that will live on long after we've departed this earth, and we destroy simply because it's really fun.
Indeed, both of these compulsions are so ingrained into the male psyche (the only gender for which I am qualified to speak; for all I know women feel the same way, but I don't) that we attempt things for which we possess no qualifications whatsoever, like mixing highly toxic chemicals and running wicked, flesh-rending machinery at preposterously high speeds. If we survive, we can consider ourselves experts; if we do not, more the better for the overall health of the herd.
I further counsel you to not worry about the silence that frequently punctuates the constant whine of tools and the screams of pain behind the door. This is only a strategizing session in which the male ponders the next item on the execution block.
Kevin
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Posted
7/1/2001
, by
Ruiner of All Things Wood
, entitled, "
Why just Mahogany?
"
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I think you should stop discriminating against non-mahoganistic wood. You
should be ashamed of yourself. It is just as easy to piss off your spouse by
ignoring her in favor of ruining cheap (in comparison to your precious
mahogany)plywood or other knotty materials. In fact, I have lost several key
appendages
ruining all kinds of crappy wood. So in my book, it's just as
painful as mutilating ones self with mahogany. In fact you don't need wood at
all, even an old crappy power saw (or not) will do the trick nicely. So fuck up
some different wood you bigot!
Thank you for the insightful content of your
page. (except the mahogany thing).
Stubby
Kevin Responds:
Stubby -- I have nothing against Mahogany Americans, or indeed any other types of woods. I'm
simply working with Mahogany at this moment, so it has earned an honored spot in the
the Universe of Things Kevin Screws Up. And don't worry about losing those appendages;
they're always found in the last place you look for them.
Kevin
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Posted
7/2/2001
, by
Eric Raits
, entitled, "
I'm not that fat!
"
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Just put my 12-foot combination sailing/rowing/outboard dinghy in the water last week. It's a Fred Shell boat built from plans and I'm delighted with her. Am naming her Hannah Smith after a hermaphroditic 300-lb woman who adventured into the 10,000 Islands area of SW Florida around the turn of the century at a tender young age. She was well liked and ended up murdered in spite of that. I made all the mistakes you mention in your construction chronicle and more. Fortunately epoxy not only sticks well but covers peccadilloes and more major sins. Building Hannah took seven months of after work hours and many boxes of cheap wine.
Cheers!
Eric Raits, Miami
Kevin Responds:
Eric -- The kind of person it takes to do what we
are doing -- building boats out of wood when perfectly serviceable craft made from high-tech, ultra-reliable materials are highly available -- is eloquently underscored by your choice of
names for your fine craft. Wonderful choice, and I heartily congratulate your blessed launching. If you have a photo, send it to kevinwal@hotmail.com, and I'll post it!
Kevin
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Posted
7/2/2001
, by
Brother
, entitled, "
Not Building a Boat
"
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Hi, Kevin, this is your brother.
Guess what? Bill and I threw a refrigerator out a third-story window yesterday. It was great fun and did no damage to the stairs and landing directly below.
However, the stove took out the railing.
Just thought you'd like to know.
Brother
Kevin Responds:
Brother -- I don't know, it could be that you're one of my brothers. I have several, and any one of them (myself included) is capable of this kind of childish destruction. Still, I don't believe you are one of them, since I don't know anyone named Bill, and none of my brothers would dispatch a refrigerator that way, especially if there were any possibility that food resided somewhere within.
Kevin
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Posted
7/2/2001
, by
Brother
, entitled, "
Refrigerator Redux
"
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I am indeed your brother. You have met Bill. And you may be certain that there were neither food nor beer in that late fridge.
Kevin Responds:
Brother -- Brother!
Kevin
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Posted
8/9/2001
, by
Your wife
, entitled, "
Get busy fat guy
"
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Okay, we have a new sailboat and no dinghy. I thought that was the point of the mess you were making in the garage! There has been no progress for some time now, and we really need a dinghy. And no bitching about bursitis! Bursitis, shmursitis! There MUST be something you can do!!
Kevin Responds:
Uh, the sun got in my eyes. I hurt my leg. I forgot. My hair hurts.
Kevin
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Posted
8/11/2001
, by
A Fellow Dick Head!
, entitled, "
Who Else But Kevin....
"
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Dear Favorite DH:
How nice to see that you're so productive! Will that boat ever
sail to the Caribbean...where we can sit around all day...
sipping cocktails, smokin' cigars and figuring out how to not
get a drop of sun on us?! Humm...
Kevin Responds:
Hi, Larry! That sounds really good to me, but
since when do you need a boat to do what you do best - sit on your ass and drink?
Kevin
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Posted
11/20/2001
, by
Bob
, entitled, "
Come on!
"
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You just can't be anywhere near as big a dickhead as your web site makes you
look, can you? Bob
Kevin Responds:
Bob -- Oh, yes I can!
Kevin
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Posted
12/01/2001
, by
EF Hutton
, entitled, "
Fess up, Noah
"
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You like, live in the middle of a desert, right? And you bought a boat and you're building a boat.
There's something you're not telling us, right? I'll bet you got a message from God. Come on, tell us. No fair.
Kevin Responds:
EF -- Yes, it's true, I do live in a desert, and yes, I am building a boat, and I bought a boat too. On the face of it, these actions might not seem to be those of a sane man, driving the rational, thinking person to conclude that a) I've gone whacky, or b) God has directed me thusly. Well, the first and last time God spoke to me was when He pointed out that the striped tie I was going to wear to a particularly important meeting was inferior to the power solid, which, while saving me from a fashion faux pas of biblical proportions, ultimately had no bearing on my interest in boats. I'm afraid I can't blame God for this particular psychosis, so I'll just have to chalk it up to being crazy.
Kevin
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Posted
12/28/2001
, by
Brother again
, entitled, "
Nice progress!
"
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It's really looking like a boat! How many fingers do you have left?
Sorry we didn't "stop in" while in LA--I was sick of driving my family across the nation and back, and couldn't see adding anothr 1200 miles of sheer agony.
Q: Do you know why Utah is called the Beehive State?
A: It sounds better than the Dust and Rocks State.
We sure didn't see any beehives!
I'm beginning to feel a twinge of jealousy concerning your vessels. I want to build something in my garage, too! What would you recommend, an airplane or a St. Patrick's Day float? Each is daunting in it's own way. And either way, I only want to learn to turn the damned thing.
Kevin Responds:
Brother Again --
Thanks for the kind words. I have managed to retain tenuous possession of all my fingers, and
as an added bonus, my toes remain firmly attached, too. There have been some moments in which
the issue was in doubt, and my table saw remains a fearsome reminder of the power of Darwin's
Theory to which we all are subject.
I'm afraid you have Utah unfairly characterized. Arizona
is the Dust and Rocks State. Utah is the Dust, Rocks and Mormons State. (No judgement there, just
fact.)
I think building a float is a wonderful idea, but I caution you to start modestly, say
with a Root Beer float, then work your way up. The only problem I can foresee is the
distressing lack of midgets available to man the float during the actual parade. But if there
is anything I have learned, it's that persistence always overcomes lack of skill, money, talent
and plain Good Common Sense.
Good luck!
Kevin
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Posted
12/31/2001
, by
Neil
, entitled, "
Good job
"
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Happy New Year, Fat Guy - which you are obviously not - and good work over the last few months. How can you keep the work going at such a feverish pace. Anyway, I recognise so many of the emotions and frustrations that you describe. Good luck to you.
Neil, Scotland (Lang may yer lum reek, lang may yer sporran squeak!)
Kevin Responds:
Neil --
Thanks for the words of support. I admit to being very pleased that someone from Scotland has meandered onto my web site, and I'm glad you found something in it that resonated with you. There's no doubt that I could easily step up the pace of construction and had I done so, I would have been long finished by now. I find that working at the pace that I am, I enjoy the process much more thouroughly, so I have no plans to change things at this point. Besides, once I finish the boat, what the hell else would I use this web site for? Perhaps I would use it to reek my lum or squeak my sporran.
Good luck, and happy new year!
Kevin
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Posted
12/31/2001
, by
John Doe
, entitled, "
Ughh
"
|
This has got to be the biggest waste of time ever perpetrated on the innocent web surfing public!
Kevin Responds:
John --
While I set my sights high with respect to making the Fat Guys Building Boats web experience a complete and utter waste of time, I'm afraid that I haven't quite hit the mark yet. I refer, of course to the site in which a Magic 8-Ball is disassembled and the contents examined. Please check out this site and let me know if you still feel this way. By the way, I do take issue with your blithe assumption on the relative innocence of the web surfing public. I'm not certain that web surfers are any more innocent than any other group of people, and in many cases I know for a fact that they are a damn sight more guilty than most.
Good luck, and happy new year!
Kevin
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Posted
01/02/2002
, by
Anita Bryant
, entitled, "
Oh My God!!!
"
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There I was, sitting with my 7 year old grandson (who by the way is decidedly NOT homosexual!), doing research on the Internet on how to build a sailboat for his Boyscout troop when I unwittingly mistaked your website for one which might provide the young (straight) man with specific instructions on how to go about the task when suddenly I find myself reading letters from your readers concerning leaking and squeaking what-have-you's! Have you no shame? Have you no conscionsce? How could you subject a young and impressionable heterosexual boy (and I dare to even THINK about the young non-lesbian girls who may stumble upon this atrocity!) to this type of "alternative life style" dribble? I hope you rot in Hell!
With Love and Prayers,
Anita Bryant
PS His boat turned out lovely in spite of your Communist, gay, un-American, subcersive site! (God bless, Happy New Year!)
Kevin Responds:
Anita --
Hold on to that passion. It will serve you well when that orange juice gig goes under.
Good luck, and happy new year!
Kevin
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Posted
01/03/2002
, by
Gerald Fitzgerald
, entitled, "
Apropos or no? Which way to go?
"
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Thanks for the entertaining site. You have given me a high mark to aim for with my own boatbuilding page at www.geocities.com/klingtech. (I'll never hit that mark, but what they hey, hey?)
My rant is.... I firmly believe that a homemade boat must be christened with the appropriate type of booze according to the level of construction difficulty and relative cost of the boat to be christened (hereafter known as the "Christenee") For instance, a cheap canoe should be set off with a hearty heave-ho and to the smashing of a mini-bar blended scotch in the 50 ml bottle. If the Christenee was, for instance, a 20' sailboat like a Redwing or a AF3, maybe a King can of Budweiser would suffice, or perhaps a cheap Chilean Merlot.
I am, of course, opposed to wasting good booze and further suggest however that we smash those insipid "alcohol-free" wines and beer that are so ubiqitous at the local shopping market. Hell, fling a half-empty can of diet pepsi at the bow and call it even! Thanks again! Mike .. I mean Gerald
Kevin Responds:
Gerald/Mike -- O, the quandaries with which life burdens we hapless fools! On the one hand, one does dearly hate to fling perfectly fine alcohol of whatever form toward any place but where it belongs; down one's throat. On the other hand, Neptune knows perfectly well the difference between say, O'Douls and Dom Perrignon. Neptune's wrath is unspeakably poweful when experienced in its full fury, regardless of the type of vessel with which one braves it. Neptune does, however, completely understand the economic realities that drives one to baptise a newly born craft with Colt 45 rather than a champagne that costs more than the vessel itself, and will grant a boon to builders and sailors whose hearts are in the right place. Just don't try to chintz him; like Santa, he'll know.
I just checked out your web site, and it does very well the job it was intended to do, very much like a well-found boat. My site looks the way it does because I do this for a living and have lots of tricks and tools available to me that most folks don't have. On the other hand, no site, gold-plated or otherwise, can make up for the lack of skill one needs to make a fine water craft with his own hands, something I'm working hard at trying to acquire, but it's slow, so slow. Have fun with your projects, and watch those fingers and toes.
Good luck, and happy new year!
Kevin
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Posted
01/10/2002
, by
If I had a boat
, entitled, "
I'd sail it on the river
"
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Ahh lahk pahs tew
Kevin Responds:
I had to think long and hard about how to answer this rant. You pose an interesting philosophical quandary for which I have no answer. Indeed, Aristotle himself had little to say on the subject, so I won't even try.
Good luck, and happy new year!
Kevin
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Posted
01/17/2002
, by
Ken Willmott
, entitled, "
Pointless, almost
"
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Recently, I noticed your website on the boatbuilder's webring. What drew my attention to your site was not the interesting title (which I will comment on in a bit), but the description that said you were building a boat in the low Arizona desert. As a resident of the aforementioned precipitationally challenged area, and a person who has the irrational desire to build a boat, I wanted to see what my neighbor was up to.
I must admit that your site is not what I expected. First, it was much more professional looking than I expected given the quality of other homemade sites about homemade boats (later I read on your site that you are a professional website maker type, which explains the quality). Second, I was mislead by the title "fat guys building boats." I found neither obesity nor plurality on the site. Your site had one guy, certainly not fat, building one boat. Did I miss something?
My rambling has taken me away from my true task. I have heard that once you begin building a boat you immediately think about your next "project." Did this happen to you? Have you thought about building another boat? Perhaps something a little more ambitious? The reason I ask is that I plan to start building a boat within the next 8 months and would love to bounce ideas off of you (figuratively). You see I reside in the neighboring patch of urban blight immediately to the west of you, Chandler Arizona (in fact I am right on the border of Chandler and Gilbert). Besides the similarity in location we have "the garage is a mess" thing in common. I would have e-mailed a photo, but I could not fit the camera in the garage to get a picture.
I would like to build a small (very small 15-17 foot) sailboat with a tiny cabin for the kids to sleep in while daysailing. I was thinking about the Minuet by Glen-L. It is built in sheet plywood which should simplify the building process somewhat. I like the look of lapstrake and love the idea of having a boat with traditional planking, but for my first project I would like to be able to complete it before I am eligible for Medicare. You see, I am a CPA/Attorney whose woodworking experience is limited to chewing on the sticks in popsicles and corndogs. My long-term goal is to build a sailboat that is capable of circumnavigation and then do some serious cruising.
When I get started I could e-mail my progress to you so you have more crap, er, I mean, more material for your site. So what do you say? Want to watch a grown man cry when he ruins a gazillion dollar piece of wood?
Kevin Responds:
Ken -- Except for that bit about being a CPA/Attorney, this letter could have been written by me. I am, as always, astounded by the curious rules of sociology which drive us inexorably toward long periods of bitter frustration with only the promise of some ill-defined happiness that we might derive from sitting in a cramped, half-swamped vessel with bored, angry family members chewing stale, water logged crackers. O cruel fates!
Thank you for your comments on the quality of my site. While it is true that even the basest of efforts does the job, I found it hard to settle for less than what I could do, and so wasted even more time putting it together than I might have otherwise. A happy outcome given the charter of the site, I might add.
It is true that I am not obese, only somewhat overweight (and not irredemably so) and it is true that there is but one of me, and but one boat. The perennially cruel fates have found it fit, however, to offer an escape from the curious contradiction posed by the title of my web site by bringing you here. I would be most pleased to devote space on this site to your noble undertaking, and look forward to doing so in the very near future.
I have found myself considering more ambitious projects than the one in which I am currently engaged, but I also retain a determination to finish this one first before I become too serious in my musings. I have a tendency to let the next new thing distract me, so I'm not allowing myself to review study plans or anything of the sort until I put the final touches on the finish of my current boat. Like you, I considered a sheet-planked boat for my first effort, but I kept finding myself drawn back to the beauty found in classic styles typified by Iain Oughtred's designs, so I compromised by building his smallest, simplest boat, the Acorn.
A quick note; I removed your email address from your post, which is I think prudent, given the nature of this medium. I'd be happy to put it back should you desire me to do so.
Good luck, and happy new year!
Kevin
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Winner of the coveted Walsh Award!
A wholesome, nutritious site for kids of all ages!
